The Challenge
Responding to a stressful situation by remaining calm.
It’s early spring.
I’m the school leader in the office of my K–9 school when Jamal is sent down from his Grade 1 class. Jamal has been disruptive and needs a place to reregulate himself. Jamal comes in screaming. I decide to play it cool.
I explain to Jamal that I need a few minutes to finish an email. I tell him that I understand he is upset and wants to talk, but I ask him to please sit quietly until I finish my email. This seems to surprise Jamal. He immediately becomes quiet and remains this way for about three minutes, then he starts making noises to intentionally disrupt me.
“Don’t worry, Jamal. I’ll talk to you soon,” I say without looking up from my laptop. “Please keep your noises to yourself.”
This buys me another minute or two of quiet. Finally, Jamal ups the ante.
“You’re stupid,” he says.
Again, without looking up, I say, “Nice try, Jamal.”
A minute later, Jamal doubles down.
“Your mom is stupid,” he says.
Well, this is bait I just have to bite. I reach for my desk phone and call my mom, who just happens to be an elementary school principal at another school in the division.
“Good morning, mom,” I say into the phone. “I have Jamal from Grade 1 with me here and he just told me you’re stupid.”
Over the phone, my mom responds, “That’s strange. I don’t think I know Jamal, but that’s not the sort of thing he should be saying.”
I ask Jamal if he wants to talk to my mom and hand him the handset. He practically becomes two dimensional as he tries to disappear into the back of his chair. I tell my mom that it doesn’t look like Jamal wants to say anything else, so I thank her and hang up the phone.
After that, Jamal and I have a quiet and respectful talk about how people like to be communicated with, about feelings, and positive ways he can go about getting help if he is having a not-so-great day.
Reflecting on this situation now after 12 years, I’m glad I handled it the way I did, with one exception–I wish I had put my mom on speakerphone.
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