Holiday magic. Although it’s real for some, the magic can also be a thin veneer, hiding challenging emotions that can come along with the celebrations. In fact, 52 per cent of Canadians report feelings of anxiety, depression and isolation during the holiday season. And, if you’re already depressed or experiencing anxiety, the holidays can make things even worse.
Here are five ways that the holidays can be just too much and some tips to help preserve your peace of mind.
1. (Too) great expectations
The image of the “perfect holiday” permeates mainstream culture. We know exactly how it’s supposed to go. We feel obligations. We compare ourselves to it.
Maybe the holidays aren’t part of your cultural tradition, but you feel pressure to celebrate them. Or you feel excluded if you don’t. If so,
- Ignore judgments of “bah humbug.” You are not obliged to celebrate the holidays.
- Recognize if you feel oppressed by your own traditions. If you do, it’s time to take the space and time to reinvent. Maybe that means saying no or setting other boundaries.
- Don’t be ruled by what’s gone on in the past. They’re your holidays and you can take them back.
- Ask yourself what you love about the holidays. What do you dislike, or even hate? Now choose to do what you love!
2. Merriment to the max
Overeating. Overdrinking. Overspending. General overindulgence. It seems the holidays go hand and hand with them. This compulsory consumerism and mandatory merriment can have a damaging effect on your mental health, especially if you struggle with your finances. Consumption comes at a price that not everyone can afford. If so,
- Know that you don’t have to buy things to show others that you care.
- There are gift exchange ideas that cut down on consumerism, without skimping on generosity or giving.
- Stay on top of what you’re spending by budgeting.
- Remind yourself of pitfalls or triggers when it comes to overindulging. Don’t lose sight of your needs for exercise and sleep.
3. Your plate overfloweth
You may be hosting a gathering this year for the first (or 50th) time. Maybe you feel responsible for other people’s entertainment and enjoyment. And maybe you feel like it’s your job to please everyone and make sure others are having enough fun and enjoying their holidays, too. That’s a lot of pressure. If so,
- Delegate: if you feel it’s your job alone to make things perfect, you can ask others to help out.
- Take a break from hosting or retire altogether. Ask someone else to host this year.
- Head conflict off at the pass. If you know there are certain topics that will set people off, be kind and clear about boundaries and expectations.
4. Too much togetherness
Sometimes our holiday traditions are intensely social. Parties, get-togethers and family dinners can create relationship dynamics that are rife with discomfort, and even conflict. Because our holiday traditions can date back to childhood, we may be called on to play roles we aren’t comfortable playing any longer. If so,
- Remember that only you can choose what makes you happy.
- If you accept the invitation but find that you’re feeling overwhelmed while you’re there, plan to take time out by finding a quiet place to take a break, calling a friend or taking a walk.
- If you don’t want to stay, you’re allowed to leave.
- If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. Give yourself permission to do what’s best for you.
5. Feeling left out in the cold
More than one in 10 Canadians often or always feel lonely. And, in those who experience loneliness, half have poorer mental health overall. If you are already feeling isolated socially, or have a social or other anxiety disorder, being alone during the holidays can make things worse. If so,
- Do something special for yourself: cook yourself your favourite foods, go to a movie, do a holiday project.
- Volunteer. By helping others, you also boost your own mental health and have a chance to connect with other people. You can help out at a food bank, serve holiday dinner at a community meal or offer to get groceries or spend some time with someone who’s alone and doesn’t want to be.
- Reach out to others who are also looking for connection: there are whole groups of people—in person and online—who are also looking for community.
- Plan remote festivities: share photos, emails, videos over video calls. Set up a Zoom event or Facebook group.
- Go “old school” and write letters and holiday cards with invitations to connect by phone. ❚
