Even the most dedicated allies will, from time to time, accidentally misgender or misname their gender-diverse students and colleagues. When you make a mistake, it’s important to know how to apologize.
Effective apologies
- occur as quickly as possible after you realize your error;
- are between you and the impacted individual, not in front of an audience;
- don’t start with “I’m sorry if...” or “I’m sorry but...";
- involve you doing more listening than speaking;
- are simple, heartfelt and focus on the impacted individual’s feelings (not yours); and include a commitment on your part to improve and do better.
Our intentions don’t always align with the impact of our words and actions. If you find the need to apologize repeatedly to the same individual, your expressions of regret may start to ring hollow. Gender diverse students and colleagues may choose not to accept your apology. No matter what, demonstrate your sincere commitment to getting their names and pronouns correct, take the time to practice and do better!
